Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Dickheads on Parade, or What Happens when Rabid Lefties Get Tenure

Robert Jensen, University of Texas 'journalism' professor, has made it his business since 9/12/01 to inform his countrymen and -women that it's our fault. All of it. 9/11, the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, global warming, frizzy hair on humid days, and pre-menstrual bloating are all products of American imperialism, according to Bob Jensen. Here's some of his incoherent bullshit.

My friend Phillip F. and I first encountered his sorry ass at a post 9/11 rally on the UT campus South Mall, just beneath the infamous Tower. We showed up expecting, well, I don't really know what I expected, but it sure wasn't every single one of the speakers lamenting the inevitable evil that would be the American response to that tragedy. All of them. The president of the university, student leaders, the girl who sang the national anthem, everyone. Protesters all around us just preloaded to blame America first, last, and exclusively. I'm not sure about the numbers, but the South Mall was packed. Tens of thousands at least.

Phillip, a Gulf War veteran who has a low tolerance for such nonsense, spotted Jensen immediately after the proceeding, and we vectored over there pretty quick. Looking like every other sad, self-loathing loser this town seems to attract in droves in his Commie John Lennon glasses (what exactly is the point of having tiny little lenses if you need glasses all the time?) and dirty T-shirt, Jensen put forth his moronic worldview with a dirty bullhorn. Phillip and I took positions right in front of him, elbowing through pink-cheeked protesters who could be forgiven for their ignorance and credulousness because they were young and had been subjected to people like Jensen for years. Not that we forgave them, but we could have.

Then Jensen starts spouting his idiocy, and for a while Phillip and I just laughed and rolled our eyes. Then I realized that we were the only ones doing so, and we started challenging him. I have a pretty loud voice, so it wasn't hard. Unsurprisingly, the student protester ninnies were all over us with "why won't you let him speak" and "stop censoring him, you fascists!" They never do get that whole free speech concept when some of the speech is distasteful to them, do they? Guy's got a bullhorn, and two other guys up front occasionally challenge his idiotic premises without bullhorns, and we're oppressing him.

After a few minutes of this, Jensen turned tail and ran. The crowd surrounded us immediately and started frothing about politics and history in such an incoherent and pathetic way that it made us both laugh, and then we started filleting the dumb arguments one by one. Each red-faced kid would push to the front, bellowing nonsense, and we'd chop 'em to bits and watch them slink away. Pretty soon there was no one left but three kids who seemed to understand that they didn't actually understand much of anything at all, and at least wanted to hear a dissenting voice for once. They didn't exactly agree, but you could tell they were thinking about it. You know, like they're supposed to be teaching you how to do at a major university.

Now Jensen's thrown his lot in with fellow delusional, self-loathing dickhead Ward Churchill, the sweetheart at Colorado University who called the 9/11 victims "little Eichmans," which apparently refers to his feeling that anyone who works in an office building is a Nazi who wants to destroy the world for profit. Horsewhipping is too good for such people.

UPDATE: Upon further review, I have changed the headline by adding "rabid" between "when" and "lefties." To say such a thing about just any lefty is not cool. Sorry. Must be the viruses that are liquifying my skull and making it run out of my nose and into my lungs. Wheeeee!

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