Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Hated It

American Idol last night, that is. All of it. Every stinking second. I desperately wanted to like it, and I still root for Carrie, Vonzell, Bo and Constantine, and even Scott a little. But I despise Anthony, he makes me want to vomit upward and have it land on my own face. He's that disgusting. I fast forwarded through all of Randy and Paula's comments, and much of the singing. I hate Paula even more than Anthony, and I laughed my ass off when my buddy Dan from Rock Hill, SC emailed me this link about her sex scandal with former kicked-off contestant Corey Clark. Delicious; I can totally hear her saying "Don't screw me or you'll be sorry" after screwing him. Especially after seeing him bed some bar hag in the tryouts. Gross.

And what's with all the crap songs? Vonzell's song is good in the original, but she can't pull it off. She's just not that good. And I can't stand her fake smiles, and who gives a crap about her doing karate? Enough with the karate already.

Bo mangled a Gavin Degraw song, and wore an icky outfit and dorky sunglasses. His band looked about as inbred as they come in the little movie about his life. He's a nice guy, though, and he's done well in the past. Maybe he'll recover next week.

Carrie sang something from Deliverance, or God knows where. It was hillbilly crap. I had to replay her rendition of Heart's "Alone" from a past episode after the show to remind myself she can really sing. To her credit, she let out a cough that sounded tubercular after the song, so maybe she's sick.

Constantine couldn't pull off the Nickelback song, and barely saved it with theatrics. I love the guy, but stick with easier vocals or raise your game. I did like his brother, who looks like a mortician who just embalmed himself. He needs a cheeseburger or something.

And Scott, your father's ALIVE. You can dance all you want with him. What was the point of singing that song, other than you're convinced you're the second coming of Luther Vandross? Which you aren't.

I sure hope this show improves. I can't stand another four weeks like this.

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