Astounding Surprise #547: Barry Bonds is a Steroid User

So the guy who looks more like a steroid user than any other Major League Baseball player has admitted to "unknowingly" using steroids given to him in the forms now infamously known as "the cream" and "the clear." This is an old story, and Bonds has been at the center of it for some time. I don't like Bonds because he's a selfish player who's soft on defense (I blame his fielding as much as anything else for the loss to the Angels in the 2002 World Series), and he's a dick who has never understood that the rewards and stature of his position come with a price.

But now he's giving us the R. Kelly treatment, and he wants us to like it:

Prosecutors confronted Bonds with documents dating to his record-setting season of 2001 that allegedly detailed his use of many drugs, including human growth hormone, steroids and insulin. He said he believed he only used legal products to treat arthritis and fatigue.

Bonds danced around questions, saying he couldn't explain a calendar with the name "Barry" on it; he had never seen a bottle that says Depo-Testosterone; he had never heard of the drugs Clomid, modafinil and trenbolone; and he couldn't pronounce EPO.

Bonds testified that he didn't think any of the substances worked but kept using they out of loyalty to Anderson. He also said he never consulted with the Giants about what Anderson gave him.

"No way ... we don't trust the ball team," Bonds said. "We don't trust baseball. ... Believe me, it's a business. I don't trust their doctors or nothing."

Sheffield also testified to the grand jury that Bonds arranged for Anderson to give him "the clear," "the cream," and another steroid from Mexico, but also said he did not know they were steroids.

There's no way you wouldn't notice if you had been taking steroids inadvertently, but Barry has never given a crap what anyone thought about him, so we needn't feel insulted by such a glaringly obvious lie. I'd imagine most MLB players have taken some sort of illegal performance enhancing drug, and why wouldn't they? The league and player's union are completely uninterested in stopping them because home runs increase viewership and attendance, and although reasonable arguments have been made that extra muscle isn't the culprit, it sure doesn't hurt, and neither do shorter recovery times in a 162-game season.

This next quote tells you what kind of a guy Bonds is:

Bonds said he never paid Anderson for drugs or supplements but did give the trainer $15,000 in cash in 2003 for weight training and a $20,000 bonus after his 73-homer season.

Bonds said that Anderson had so little money that he "lives in his car half the time." Asked by a juror why he didn't buy "a mansion" for his trainer, Bonds answered: "One, I'm black, and I'm keeping my money. And there's not too many rich black people in this world. There's more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. And I ain't giving my money up."