Uh, hi. Well, we didn't win. Kind of seems like a huge waste of time and money now. In Viet Nam we called that a "bummer." I'd like to curse my wife for not being so much of a nightmare that we could reasonably pin the loss on her. That sucks; seemed like an easy out from the get-go, but somehow she kept the muzzle on. Truly amazing. And I sure wish someone in the major media had pointed out what a soulless dirtbag my running mate was as a trial lawyer, because I already had my whole "Edwards blew it for me" speech written. Can we just agree that it's the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and move on, I mean move along? Tell you what, we either agree to chalk this loss up to a stupid electorate or I'm going after Hillary myself, mmmkay? I know things about her, believe me.
Speaking of Viet Nam, the reason I testified about that all that Atilla the Hun stuff happening all the time was because I did all of it a lot and nobody said shit to me. Burning huts, shooting people and animals, using old fishermen for bayonet practice, the usual. Never heard a discouraging word, so I figured everyone was doing it. Sorry if anyone got tortured because of it, but at least they didn't have to spend a couple of months in a tour bus with Bambi McHairdo, who keeps singing old Backstreet Boys stuff when he thinks no one is listening.
Anyways, I hope we can all agree that as much as I abandoned my Senate seat during the last two years, it's really not that much worse than when I'm not running for president. No reason to get all huffy about me missing 90%+ of the votes, I miss almost that many in a good year, right? So in conclusion, I'd like to say that I'm back on the market, ladies, since the press could really give a rat's ass now if I get my pipes cleaned by a debutante or two while Teresa's prowling the Mediterranean for swarthy young bucks. I'll see you at the next gathering of pompous bores. Goodnight.
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1 comment:
lol at least he served.
mission accomplished.
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